Welcome back readers to part three in this series on tips men can use to help them overcome the ending of a relationship. If you're new, a quick overview of part one revealed a few of the ways that men typically cope with breakups. Click the jump to read about how men sometimes cope with these situations.
Part two discussed a few suggestions that men can use to move forward in a positive way. If you're curious about these tips, click here to read our favorite ideas to help men cope after a breakup.
Today's post is going to focus on things that men should not do, or stop doing immediately, post breakup. These negative behaviors will reduce their ability to get on with life. Let's take a look below. If a broken heart has led you to addiction, then reach out to our center for alcohol or drug rehab in Columbus OH. Legacy Freedom can help you regain your sobriety in a holistic way.
Let It Go!
As we've stated over and over in this series, dealing with this stuff can drive you crazy. However, that does not give anyone permission to be a jerk about it. The first item up for discussion is how to just let go so you can avoid becoming the jealous and vindictive ex-boyfriend.
You might feel utterly alone, helpless and insecure, especially if you were the person that got dumped. These feelings are normal. Everyone feels these things so the universe is not singling you out. These emotions can lead some to engage in regrettable behaviors.
To avoid becoming vindictive, the first step is de-cluttering your life. This means packing up, or getting rid of those visual memories. Things like pictures, postcards, etc. can be a constant reminder of what you've lost. Whether it be on your Instagram account, or memories hanging from the fridge, get these out of your view. You don't have to throw them away, or delete them. If you're the sentimental type, just download them or put the items in a shoe box and get them out of your sight. The less you see items that remind you of her, the quicker you can move on.
Next, speaking of Instagram, and social media, if you have jealous and vindictive tendencies then you should not stay friends with your ex via these accounts. Social media has given all of us the ability to cyber stalk almost anyone, at anytime. If you know you are going to get upset by seeing your ex out enjoying life, while you are wallowing in sorrow, then make a choice to remove this trigger. Do not hang on just so you can use this as justification to get angry.
Social media triggers can encourage jealous feelings and vindictive behaviors. Avoid the temptation to write nasty-grams on their Facebook wall, or make rude comments on the pictures they share. Also, do not use their check-ins as a way to confront them public, or try to somehow make them jealous in return. Furthermore, do not use your social media accounts as a means in getting back at your ex. Avoid tagging your ex in posts that relate to anything dealing with your situation. Also, avoid social media bashing and trolling your ex's friends and family. You should probably make the choice to unfriend them as well. If you find that your social media accounts are keeping you in a rut, then just deactivate your account for a while. You can always come back to them when you're mentally ready.
Long story short, you have to eventually let it go. It's OK to feel sad and grieve, and time is on your side. What you cannot do is hang on to this grief, or grudge, and let it control you. Not allowing yourself to move on, by holding on to negativity, might make you do things that you'll regret in the future.
Don't Turn to Substance Abuse
I grew up in a small country town and one thing I used to hear my daddy say was, "Two things will drive a man to drinking; money problems and women." I, like most everyone in this world, have had my fair share of heartache and I can see the truth in his words. Dealing with relationship problems can make some people turn to substance abuse as a way to escape real life.
Drinking heavily, or using drugs as a way to cope with your relationship failing might be the worst choice you can make for yourself. Choosing these coping strategies, instead of positive ones can create a lifetime of extra problems. Substance abuse might seem like a good idea because they appear to make people forget about their recent problems and struggles. However, alcohol and some drugs can actually enhance your pain and misery. Depressants are mostly used as a relaxing tool, but they can also create episodes of panic and anxiety, as well as enhance preexisting depression. Furthermore, engaging in reckless drug use can turn into a dependency, which in turn is the gateway to addiction.
Using drugs, or drinking, to cope with a breakup can also lead to legal and unsafe behaviors. For instance, drinking and driving puts you and everyone around you at risk. Getting behind the wheel of a vehicle while intoxicated could lead to serious injury and even death. Plus, the legal ramifications of drinking and driving could include loss of license, jail time, and thousands of dollars in fines and legal fees. Plus, if you were to kill someone while drinking and driving you'll have a lifetime of guilt to deal with. If you need help with substance abuse, call Legacy Freedom. Our facility for alcohol and drug rehab in Columbus OH can help you regain your sobriety!
One Last Time?!
Nope! There are no more "one last time" any things. Avoid falling into this trap. If you and the ex are not getting back together, then stay away from doing any activity with her that will create mixed feelings and signals. This is especially true for sleeping with your ex. No matter how much you think one last night alone will change things, the fact of the matter is that it rarely, if ever, does. The only thing this type of behavior does is prolong the inevitable and create more confusion for you to deal with.
We hope these tips over the past few posts have been helpful for anyone dealing with a breakup. We know everyone is different and everyone processes these situations differently. Just know that you are not alone and help is available if you need it.
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